Ellie!

I feel like, in order to have feelings for someone, we have to be having copious amounts of sex. Every night that passes that we don’t have sex, I lose more and more interest in that person.

That, and I hate when I tell him that I’m horny and that I really want him tonight and get all dressed up and pretty for him and we go downstairs to watch tv for 4 hours before I pass out because I’ve been up since 6am, but wanted to wait up and see if he’d just suddenly turn over and fuck me like he used to (even though he stopped doing that at the 2 month mark).

OR when I get home from a 15 1/2 hour day at school and work and he’s all like, “I’ve been so fucking horny all night, I just want to bed you over and go to town right now,” but we end up doing everything in the paragraph above.

I’m irate and depressed and upset and apathetic all at the same time. Mad because of the shit above. Depressed because it feels like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore and I’ve resorted to flirting with co-workers just to feel better about myself (even though I hate myself for doing it). Upset because…. well…. just because. I’m a woman. Finally, apathetic because I’m losing all feelings for him as the nights go on like this. I hate it when he cuddles me and tells me that he loves me and all I want is sex. I hate it when he says that he feels bad that I’m in a bad mood in the morning because of it.

Most of all, I hate myself for my addiction to this shit. Sex ruins all of my relationships.